Meaningless
by Keiko
Summary: Tasuki's thoughts as he dies. DEATHFIC. Slight shounen ai, nothing big though.


Meaningless  
By: Keiko Nakamoto  
Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. I'm not making money with this. Okay?  
Author Notes: I was depressed. Hell, I was staring a knife, deciding whether or not to kill myself. The only reason I didn't, was because my friend is sleeping over, and the last thing she needs is to wake up and see me dead or near to being dead, bleeding from the wrists. I couldn't do that to her. I could do that to myself, I could do that to my parents, but not her. So this is DARK. Hear me? DARK. The things that Tasuki thinks are the thoughts that have been going through my head all summer. There's a little bit of shounen ai in here too. So here. It's not one of my goddamn comedies.  
  
~ # ~  
  
'Meaningless. It's all goddamn meaningless...' I thought miserably to myself. I could see the others through the crimson flames, faces stained with tears. But, I didn't care. They would forget me soon.  
  
"Tasuki!" Chichiri screamed. "Stop it!"  
  
I smiled sadly at the lack of 'no da's in his speech. But, I didn't care about him either. Friendship, love, happiness, what's the damn point. There isn't one. No matter what I could do, none of it would make a fuckin' difference. You could have all the riches of the world, and what would the point be? You die and it's all gone. Not a fuckin' drop of it left. So why bother. You could collect things, create things, enjoy things, and it wouldn't do you a lick of good.  
  
"Tasuki please!" Miaka shouted. "Please don't do this...!"  
  
"Tasuki!" Tamahome called. "C'mon buddy, come out of there!"  
  
I shook my head slightly. What good would coming out of this fiery hell do? None. I would go back to living my pointless life full of hurt and pain.  
  
"Genrou!" Kouji wailed, frantically. "Geeennnrouuuu!"  
  
Tears sprang to my eyes, not from the intense pain, but from hearing his voice so full of fear. But it wouldn't do any good to leave here alive. When I do die eventually, he'll be gone, forever. The hell with all this 'reincarnation' shit. It ain't real. When you die, you're dead. Period. No second chances. So why bother? I tried love, didn't get me anywhere. Sure I would miss him, but it was bound to happen eventually. I tried to get a 'hobby'. I collected these beautiful milky white stones, Nuriko gave me my first one. But, I looked at them, and as much pride as I had in them, I realized that after I was gone, they wouldn't mean shit to anyone. Maybe Nuriko would keep them, or maybe Kouji would. Or maybe they'd be thrown back to the ground where they came from. They would be forgotten, just as I would be.  
  
"T-t-Tasukiiiii......!" I heard Nuriko wail. He was always too sensitive for his own good. Doesn't matter. He'd be fine. In Hotohori's arms, in Hotohori's bed.   
  
Everyone lives for either their own, or someone else's happiness and pleasure. But what's the point of that. Entertainment and happiness are empty. When a person dies, a helluva lot'a good it does. That's why I was here. In the midst of my own flames, ready to leave this goddamn, fucked up world. I didn't know what to expect, but it couldn't be any worse than the emptiness I felt here. One of my bandits once told me that I'd go to hell when I died because of all the 'awful' things I'd done. Eternal pain. Fine. Better than eternal emptiness. Kouji told me I'd go to heaven, cause I was his angel. I doubt it. I dunno. But I guess I'll find out.  
  
"Tasuki..." Chiriko whimpered. "Mitsukake, is he dead?"  
  
Poor kid. I didn't mean to hurt him. I prayed to Suzaku that he might find the meaning in life that I missed. He deserved it more than any of them. Chiriko deserved to make the difference that I couldn't. Chichiri deserved the happiness I lost. Nuriko, gods Nuriko, Suzaku knows he's happy. Hotohori as well. I can't picture Tamahome or Miaka being to upset, and Mitsukake. I hope he finds love, then they might be able to live the way I never could.  
  
"Hmph." I snorted. To hell with all this shit. I couldn't figure it out. Life simply wasn't logical, something that shouldn't bother me of all people. But, still, I never could do something I found useless. Everything I ever did was to accomplish a goal. Make Chichiri smile, give Chiriko something new to learn, keep Miaka safe, annoy Tamahome. But now, when I think about it, those goals were empty and foolish. I closed my eyes and silently wished everyone the best. Especially Chiriko, Kouji, and Chichiri.  
  
"Geeeeeenrouuuuuuu!" Kouji screamed. "Nooooooo! Geeeeeeennnnnnnnroouuuuuuu!"  
  
I finally collapsed. As my life slowly winked out, the flames died and Kouji came racing in towards me. I looked sadly up at him.  
  
"Why...?" he whimpered.  
  
"It's all..." I gasped. "...meaningless..."  
  
Tears filled his blue eyes. He shook his head violently.  
  
"No...!" he insisted. I slowly closed my eyes. "No!"  
  
"...Love you..." I choked out before everything went black.  
  
~ Owari  



End file.
